Everyone’s darkest desire is to be half of a couple because it is human nature to be afraid of being alone. Words like ‘Single’ and ‘Alone’ have huge social repercussions tagged to them. You become the burden of your parents and the amount of worry your parents cast upon you is inversely proportional to your age. During the occasional friends’ gathering, you feel like the oddity because you did not repeat the word ‘husband’ more than thrice and coo the word ‘babies’ (with pride) infinitely throughout the duration of the meal. You are the topic of discussion when you perform obligatory visits e.g. festive gatherings with relatives you were never close to. When the big question about whether you are currently attached is finally broached by one of the many curious aunties, you feel all conversation round the table coming to an abrupt halt and you have never felt more popular as a person about to make a public speech since Martin Luther King. And when you answer in the affirmative that you are still single, stinging looks of pity and consoling words are doled out in generous measures so much so that even you who was originally unbothered by your singlehood starts to resent your lonely existence. You start to despise those who wear the cloak of concern but are really hiding under the shadow of insensitivity. And if you have any good sense left in you, you shy away from these meetings ever after by making up plausible excuses.
Being single, by choice or otherwise, seems to be socially criminal.
There is no right and no wrong in being single if you are comfortable with your status. The sun does not stop shining because you have no beloved, the world does not stop spinning due to a lack of dates, the rain does not stop falling because there is only one person under the umbrella … In short, Life goes on.
If you are the kind who needs Love to nourish your Life so that you may grow green and healthy, go forth and do not be afraid to fail. If you are like me, one who accepts Providence’s hands without feeling the need to bemoan, the choice is yours to be proactive or to pace yourself so that you can also smell the flowers in your quest.
When asked if I miss the feeling of having someone around, I honestly think it’s a silly question. Of course I do miss the good parts about being with someone – the warmth of another body, the girlish giggles that only one in Love can produce without feeling absurd, the furtive glances stolen when he is not looking and his big hand guiding yours as he walks you down the trodden path that you wish will never end. But if it is not possible right now, one has to learn how to live by herself too.
Some become reliant on friends to feel ‘wanted’ but there will always be a point in time where you won’t have a friend around who can keep company so it is a steep learning curve to being only you. You learn to go to the library to borrow books and read them in your bed. What you lack in companionship, you make it up in knowledge. You learn not to judge another who goes to the cinema by himself. You learn to occupy a whole table in a restaurant without feeling guilty (because remember, singles have their rights too!).
Even though I am now comfortable with doing some things on my own, I want to learn how to do things differently – to be a different person but the same me. I want to experience new things I would never try. I want to see things from a different angle. I want to wear my hair in a different way. I want to hold things with a different hand. I want to speak to others in a different manner. I want to watch programs I would never bother. I want to call friends whom I’ve not kept in contact. I want to read books I’ll never touch. I want to try food I never ate.
Right now, I want to be wholesome and know how it is like just to be fully me without being half of another because I know I will learn that when the time is ripe.
